January 9, 2012 "All of my salad and sandwich dressing expires in 2012. Serves me right for buying Mayannaise." - James Martin (@Pundamentalism) Edit Delete Tags Autopost
January 9, 2012 "Just let me slip on something more comfortable," the lady clown cooed, placing the velvet banana peel on the floor." - Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) Edit Delete Tags Autopost
December 28, 2011 "Guy on elevator with drum set: "Our 8-year old is getting drums this Christmas. We're getting Advil."" - Drew Dernavich (@DrewDernavich) Edit Delete Tags Autopost
December 25, 2011 Warning: This tweet contains advice for self-orthodontistry. Brace yourselves. - @Pundamentalism Edit Delete Tags Autopost